Memorial Day

Yesterday, on what would have been his 50^th birthday, we held Bunny’s memorial service.  Bunny was always a proud non-conformist, so when we were discussing what kind of ceremony he wanted, if any, he decided that he wanted a memorial with a Star Trek theme.   I’d known that if he did settle upon some kind of ceremony, it wouldn’t be a conventional one.  Just to cover all my bases, I asked if he wanted any particular religion attached.

For many years before his death, Bunny claimed to be an atheist: the last time he had even been to a religious service was at his mother’s funeral, five years ago.   However, during  his last month, when he spent more time in the hospital than out of it, the hospital’s priest had visited him a few times and had administered the Sacrament of the Sick on some of those visits.  So, on the day before he died, as we discussed his final-final wishes, he thought for a moment before answering my question.

By this point, Bunny could only get out one word at a time, very slowly.  This was torture for him, because he always loved to chatter away.  There was rarely silence when Bunny was around.

“Yes.   Catholic.”  He smiled at the startled look on my face. 

“Okay, well that’s a shock,” I admitted, which made his smile broaden.

“But hey—it’s your funeral.”  At that, we both burst out laughing.   We had always shared, and kept, a quirky sense of humor, and we weren’t going to stop now, when we needed it most.  Then I made a crack about atheists in foxholes that made him laugh again.

He also decided that his memorial should be on his birthday.  His birthdays were always akin to national holidays for Bunny, and often included week-long celebrations.    Anytime a new decade was involved, the celebration was even more grand than usual.  For example, for his 40^th birthday, we went to Las Vegas for a week. 

As we were discussing the final details, Joey announced that he had arranged for a memorial poker tournament at Bunny’s favorite local card room, Lucky’s, with a part of the proceeds going to prostate cancer research.  This addition to the celebration made Bunny beam with pride.  It was the best parting gift his son could have given him. 

After he died, I got overwhelmed with grief and work and the unexpected loss of my mother, and was quickly becoming anxious about getting the final arrangements set.  By the end of February, I knew that we had to get going if we were going to have a memorial on April 20^th.  At the time, Corey wasn’t working, and I asked her if she’d make all the arrangements.  She readily accepted the task, and arranged every detail with the efficiency of a professional event planner.

We got the invitations from vistaprint.com and sent them out.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to look very far for decorations: they’re all over my house.    With the start time set for 11:00 a.m., the plan Thursday night was to meet JoCo at the hotel at 9:30 a.m. Friday to set up everything.   I was running a few minutes behind—I needed gas and decided to drop into the Target next to the gas station for some glittery confetti to spread on the display table.  As I was exiting the store, Joey called me.  I could tell from the background noises that he wasn’t even on the way yet.   Margeaux and I exchanged some very colorful conversation in the three minutes between Target and La Quinta.

I got to the hotel and unloaded all the Star Trek gear I’d packed: 4 life-sized cut-outs from Star Trek: The Next Generation (Captain Picard, Commander Riker, Counselor Troi and Mr. Worf); a box of assorted ship models (including two identical models of the U.S.S. Enterprise) and hand-held gear from the original Star Trek; and a box of Hallmark collectable Star Trek Christmas ornaments.  I’d also brought along a kitschy table-top aluminum Christmas tree to hang them on.

By them time I got everything into the conference room, I was fuming!  Still no JoCo.  I was calmed slightly, though, at the sight of the cake.  It was absolutely perfect in every detail!  I used to decorate cakes as a hobby, so I appreciate the work that goes into them.  If this cake tasted anywhere nearly as good as it looked, it truly would be perfect. 

The cake only held my attention for a minute—I went quickly about setting up, since it was now past 10:00 a.m.  I set up the table displaying the models and a picture that Bunny had taken during a trip to Vegas at the “Star Trek: The Experience” exhibit at the Hilton.  I scattered the glitter around the table to simulate stars.  Then I put up Picard and Riker on either side of the podium, Troi near the cake, and Worf guarding the door.  Naturally, Margeaux and I kept a steady stream of expletives going, since I was doing the work that three people were supposed to be doing.

At about 10:30 a.m., JoCo and Trinity casually walked in.  Boom!  I went off.  Corey usually seems to know when my last nerve has been snapped, so she got busy immediately with the remaining decor.  Joey doesn’t seem to have that same radar—plus, he has the annoying habit of making more inane chatter than usual when he’s anxious.   I knew he was very anxious about the memorial, and that he wasn’t sure he would be able to sit through it.  I had told him to sit near the exit and quietly step out if it got to be too much.  Still, we hadn’t even started yet, and now he was an hour late and seemingly oblivious to the fact that we weren’t yet ready for a ceremony that would start in less than 30 minutes.

I told him to rearrange the tables—they’d been set up at a 45 degree angle, with chairs on either side, and I wanted them straightened out with the extra chairs lined along the wall.  I also wanted chairs set up at the back of the room for any late-comers.  As usual, he had what he thought was a better idea.  I made it clear that I wasn’t entertaining options—I was giving an order, and it needed to be carried out immediately.

By 10:45 a.m., everything was ready, and I was a hot, sweaty mess.  Great.  Nothing better than hugging a sweaty WiDeaux, I’m sure.  I changed from my flip flops into my dress shoes and hustled off to the bathroom to try to tidy up a bit.   By the time I got back, the first of the guests were beginning to arrive.  After that, everyone seemed to flood in at once, and before I knew it, 11:00 a.m. had arrived.

I started the ceremony and introduced the one and only Catholic deacon in all of Tampa Bay who had agreed to attend such an unorthodox affair.  He opened with a prayer, then read from the Book of Wisdom, then gave a rather stirring and appropriate mini-sermon.  My distaste for Catholicism aside (that’s a whole other blog post), he did a very nice job.  Bunny quickly made his presence known by causing two stars behind the podium to fall off the wall.  I wasn’t the only one with that thought—everyone else I spoke with afterward mentioned it.

The deacon closed with a prayer, then I spoke for a few minutes about Bunny and our life together, including how we initially met as children, then as adults after he’d done a tour in the Navy.  John McClendon, one of Bunny’s former co-workers from Atlanta then Florida, was the next to speak.  Finally, Scott Long and Chris Cosenza, two of Bunny’s poker buddies, shared their memories.   Chris and Scott own a poker magazine (Ante Up); Bunny was one of their first columnists, so he was on the ground floor of what’s become a national publication.   I think it’s safe to say that ­­­­we all learned about facets of Bunny’s life that we’d been ignorant of before.

Jazzy’s Bar-B-Que catered the affair, and the food was delicious.  I cut the cake and it was, indeed, as perfect on the inside as it was on the exterior.  We visited with the friends and family who’d gathered to celebrate Bunny’s memory, and he once again made his presence known.   Chris and one of the other guests were trying out a game called “Draw Something,” which is like Pictionary for the iPad and iPhone.  The first clue to draw: Mr. Spock.

Once the guests left, I went home, changed clothes, and went to poker tournament, which was already in progress.  I drew the seat right next to Chris, and he told me that his first hand had been Ace-King.  Bunny was famous for (unsuccessfully) playing that hand, so we took that as another sign of his presence.  In all 30 players started, which wasn’t too shabby for the middle of a Friday afternoon.   Corey and I were the only women playing.  By the end, I finished fifth, Corey third and Joey first. 

I hadn’t played poker in about a year, so I was pleased to even get to the final table, especially considering the awful cards I was getting.  Corey is convinced that Bunny sent her good cards, but she’s a good player, and probably the most consistent finisher of the three of us.   People had been buying her drinks all afternoon, though, and from the amount of alcohol she’d consumed, I don’t doubt that she was getting extraterrestrial help.  Joey hasn’t said whether Bunny sent him good cards, but he’s a good player, too.   I’m sure Bunny was quite pleased at the outcome, even if he didn’t help.

This morning, I got another sign from Bunny.   The History Channel was one of his favorites, but I haven’t watched it since he died.  I absolutely guarantee it wasn’t the last channel I watched last night.  About mid-morning, I turned on the TV to try to catch some DIY shows.  Imagine my surprise when the TV came to life with the History Channel’s show about a naval (remember, he was in the Navy) aircraft carrier.  Its name? The U.S.S. Enterprise.