Alone, at Last

All last week, loving family members came to stay with me and give me emotional support.  They also helped to clean and straighten up my house.  You'd be surprised how quickly housework falls in priority when there's a job, a husband who's in and out of the hospital, and doctor's visits that were too important to send him to alone.  Bunny, like most men, never seemed to ask the right questions or hear what the doctors had to say.

The last of my visitors left on Friday, and I was finally alone.  For the first time in my life, I live alone.  Oddly, that realization didn't hit me until Sunday, and then I wondered how on earth I'd gotten to be as old as I am without living alone at some point.  I did a mental inventory of my various homes--with parents, roommates, husbands, child--and, except for brief stretches of time when either Bunny or I went out of town on business, I had never lived by myself.

I felt strangely empowered!  No negotiating or compromising on furniture, paint colors, or anything else.  No more carpet for me!  Those tacky manatee pictures in my guest bath?  They're history. 

Not yet, though.  When I redecorated that bathroom, Bunny insisted on hanging them in plain view, partly because he thought they were pretty, but mostly because he knew I didn't.  Seeing them every time I go in there reminds me of how he liked to tease me.  One day they'll come down, but it's too soon. 

Eventually, though, my house will be exactly as I want it.   I started by organizing my closet.  Organizing and redecorating calm me.  Once my closet was exactly as I wanted it, I turned my attention to my bedroom.  My new mattress was delivered yesterday, so I decided to start my new house in the master bedroom.  Using some accumulated gift cards, I got new lamps and new sheets.  I didn't really need either, but I didn't feel like sleeping on the sheets from my marital bed (yes, I'm quirky), no matter how many times I washed them.   As for the lamps, they softened the room and completed the zen look I was going for initially. 

I'm spending an inordinate amount of time in my bedroom lately, so it was a good place to start.  For some reason, I can't seem to sleep enough.  Maybe I'm catching up on all the sleep I've lost over the last few months, maybe my brain just shuts down at some point, or maybe the stress of my WiDeaux status overwhelms me.  Whatever the reason, the cats and I pile into the king size bed and sleep whenever the urge strikes.   But even though we've got more than enough room, none of us sleeps on Bunny's side.  It's just too soon.