Reflections

Tomorrow marks my first anniversary as a WiDeaux.  December was a pretty dismal month for me, but you know that saying “it’s always darkest before the dawn?”  It’s true.  Over the weekend, I had a lot of time for reflection. 

I realized that I’ve gone through an entire year of first occasions, holidays, birthdays—and just days--without Bunny, and I’ve survived.  I’m so grateful for the love and support that I’ve received throughout the past year from my friends and loved ones.  Even the smallest gesture can make all the difference to someone who's having a bad day.

Not that the past year has been easy—it hasn’t been.   There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, when I didn’t see how I could face another day without Bunny.   For months after he died, my short-term memory was nonexistent.   I—the person who hates making lists—now make them frequently, just to be on the safe side.   The memories—both good and bad—have ambushed me, unprovoked.  I’ll always miss Bunny, but I’m tired of dwelling on what might have been.  It’s time to focus on and be grateful for what we had, but to leave the past behind.

It’s been a year of contradictions.  I’ve learned that I’m both stronger and weaker than I thought I was.  I’ve seen the best and the worst in people I love.  I’ve made new friends and lost old ones. I’ve felt like half of me was missing but strangely tranquil in my oneness.   I’ve done things I never would have done before last year.  For example, I won the 2012 Ladies’ Beer Drinking Contest at the Cochon de Lait festival, just because my cousin and step-father dared me to enter (see Country Comfort, 5/17/12 for the whole story).

To quote another Elton John song, after an extremely difficult year, I’m Still Standing.  Now that I’ve spent a year surviving, 2013 will be the year I thrive.